Stockholmers: Saying "excuse me" doesn't cost a dime (or even a krona)!

One of the first things I noticed back in 1995 when I first moved to Sweden was that Stockholmers were adverse to the concept of saying "excuse me" if someone was standing in their way. Instead, they preferred to use what I like to call Swedish Mindmeld, which doesn't work on non-Swedes. Is it really that difficult to say "excuse me" or "pardon me" or even "ursäkta"? It isn't as though it costs anything (other than a little air in your lungs) to be polite.

That's right, Stockholmers, saying "ursäkta" will not drain your wallets or your bank accounts.

So what is this Swedish Mindmeld? Don't get excited--it's not a sex-game or even remotely titillating. Swedish Mindmeld involves standing there staring at you (or the back of your head) and trying to will you to move aside. If that doesn't work, then they just knock past you as hard as they can and then make a noise that sounds something like "hmph" or "ooof". This is usually punctuated by a supposedly meaningful glare. Then they stomp off, triumphant that they have regained control of the situation.

By now you're either laughing and thinking this can't be true or you're nodding in recognition because you've been through it too. After eleven years of living in Stockholm, I don't get too annoyed anymore by it--well, that's a bit of a fib, else I wouldn't bewritingg this. Most of the time, I ignore it. Every now and again, I mentally toss a curse on the person who knocked me out of the way so they could get on the bus before me so that they could walk even slower than I was in their pursuit of an empty seat. To be honest, it's not even worth the hassle of getting too angry. It's become more of game these days.

Today, though, it bugged me. And I think the reason it bugged me was because it was an older couple, and they were ruthless in their quest to make sure that they boarded bus 53 before anyone else. Now, my parents raised me to respect my elders. I nearly always offer my seat on the subway or bus to older people if there are no other seats available. When not surrendering my seat to the elderly, I do so for pregnant women and people on crutches. As I was standing at the bus stop, I noticed two elderly couples and thought, when the bus comes, I'll let them get on ahead of me. It seemed like everyone else was thinking the same thing to because, when the bus pulled in, people were trying to move aside for the elderly couples. The only people who didn't move was a woman who was carrying a sleeping child, holding the hand of another small child and carrying a bag of groceries all at the same time. She didn't see the elderly couples--she was listening to what her daughter was saying. As the bus door opened, the first elderly couple eased around the young woman and said "ursäkta"--she moved aside and smiled an apology at them.

The other elderly couple, however, shoved the woman, nearly knocking her over. Her sleeping child almost fell, the bag of groceries fell out of the woman's left hand and her other daughter lost her balance and hit her knee on the sidewalk. I went over and helped the woman gather her groceries again while she tried to calm down her daughters. And what did the second elderly couple do? They sneered at her as they climbed onto the bus, shook their heads and made comments about how she ought to respect her elders. That really got my goat!

After I'd helped the woman, I let her and her daughters get on the bus ahead of me. And do you know what sight greeted me once I'd boarded? That same elderly couple dithering in the middle of the aisle about where to sit, thereby preventing everyone else from making much progress. A man in his thirties eased around them and took a seat. They grumbled and muttered how rude he was. Then, when the next passenger, a teenager with a skateboard, tried to go around them, the old woman lashed out at him, bellowing at him in Swedish, "You were not raised properly!"

Well, after a while, the cantankerous (second) older couple decided they would not sit after all. They stood in the midsection of the bus, where people with baby carriages or luggage usually stand. I wondered when they'd leave the bus and who they'd terrorize next. I should have known it would be me.

When I disembarked at the Sabbatsberg bus stop, they were behind me. I was carrying a heavy bag with supplies for the writers' retreat I'll be on all weekend. I knew they were behind me so I moved to the right so I wouldn't block their way. This didn't help. Just as I was stepping off the bus, the old man shoved me! I was quick enough that I didn't fall. As they pushed past me (completely unnecessary since there was plenty of room on the sidewalk) the old man directed a withering glare at me.

I couldn't help myself, I shouted after them: "You weren't raised properly, were you?!?!"